I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
