When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
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