the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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