My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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