i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
