i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
