You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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