a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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