Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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