I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
She told me I should be a condom model.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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