i already hear my dad disowning me
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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