wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
