I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
