I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
