the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
