i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
