haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
