Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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