you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
