he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize