Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
