Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Boobs are out for the taking
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Enjoy the penises
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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