Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
