apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
