I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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