The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
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