you're like a bully in the Christmas story
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
My legs feel like baby dolphins
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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