I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
