It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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