I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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