for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Found your dick twin last night
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I want to fling myself into the sun
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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