Her vagina should come with caution tape.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
