the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
