Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize