She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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