sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Boobs speak an international language.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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