i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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