I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
So squirting runs in the family.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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