I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
