Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
