WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
