Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
