the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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