I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
