just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I understand Curling. That high.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
