You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
