She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
