I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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