He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
where are you?
Hypothermia
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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