she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
