So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
