Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize