Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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