i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize