Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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