What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
