i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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