I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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