so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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