Is it normal to miss your booty call?
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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