He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize