Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
