I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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