You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I am puke
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
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