Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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