she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
