I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
