I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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