Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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