I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
