tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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