Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
