you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
