Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
