Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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