I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
