Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
