Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
