Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
